


I See You, Mr. Blue

by Firethekitty



Category: BoJack Horseman
Genre: Developing Relationship, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Platonic Relationships, Post-Canon, bojack is gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-02-23 12:50:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23745019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firethekitty/pseuds/Firethekitty
Summary: BoJack Horseman, a week after leaving prison, seeks long-term refuge in his friend's home. But, along with his first few days of relative calm in years, comes a realization that rocks him to his core.
Relationships: BoJack Horseman/OC
Comments: 10
Kudos: 28





	I See You, Mr. Blue

**Author's Note:**

> So this is just really self-indulgent Bojack/Self-Insert bs that no one asked for. Sorry this isn't jjba, and I'm not sure where I'm going to go with this, but I hope you enjoy it anyway!

“Say it, BoJack. Say it out loud.”

The named horse chuffs tiredly. “Fuck... Fine. I... am, uh. I’m...”

“You can do it, bud!”

“Me, BoJack Horseman...”

“Yeah? What is he?”

“I am... uh. Gay.”

Mr. Peanutbutter raises his folded hands up to his mouth, just barely suppressing a sob.

“I am... _so_ proud of you—”

“Okay, it’s not—”

“Look how far you’ve come! How much you’ve grown!” he warbles, forcing BoJack into a suffocating hug. “My best friend!”

BoJack struggles against his sudden yellow prison. “Alright, we don’t have to—”

“Y’know what this calls for? A par—”

“ _No_. Mr. Peanutbutter, I—look, I don’t want this to be a big deal. It’s not a big deal.” He wriggles out of the Labrador’s hold, patting out the wrinkles on his shirt. “It’s... something I should’ve come to terms with a long time ago. Celebrating it would be stupid.”

“But BoJack, it should be a source of pride!”

The horse scoffs, resting up against the wall and crossing his arms stubbornly. “Is being _straight_ a source of pride for you?”

“Well, I mean, I never really—”

“Exactly. So just leave it, okay?”

“B-But I didn’t even answer you!” the dog sputters.

“Thanks bud, never change,” says BoJack, quickly snatching an apple out of a bowl on their table and escaping the room as fast as his tired, aching legs can carry him.

He leaves the house altogether, closing the door behind him and huffing out a weary, shaky sigh. It’s already dusk. How does he even manage to waste the day away while sober?

Taking a bite of his apple, BoJack scrolls aimlessly through his phone. What about Todd? Wouldn’t he know how to deal with this sort of thing? The horse scratches at his face nervously, ultimately deciding on taking a walk and, unceremoniously tossing the core onto the ground, BoJack calls up his old friend.

“Hello?” comes the man’s voice, a little tired-sounding, but just as peppy as usual.

“H-Hey Todd, I—”

“Oh hey, BoJack. I just dropped Ruthie off at Princess Carolyne’s place. That girl can pop balloons like a champ, I’ll tell you. Like, just the other day, me and—”

“That’s great, bud. But I, uh, have to talk to you about something,” BoJack interrupts, stuffing his free hand into his pocket. Todd’s mood audibly shifts, his voice dropping deep and serious in BoJack’s ear.

“What’d you do this time, man.”

“What? No, no, that’s not what this is about. Jeeze, you just automatically assume I did something bad?”

“Well, this is how most of those discussions start out,” the man on the other line huffs.

“I... yeah. I’m sorry about that. But this is something different. So—well, uh, you know how you’re asexual?”

“...Yeah?”

“Well, um... I have a question.”

_Have you learned to love yourself, Todd?_

_Will I?_

_Can I?_

"Do you find... “pride” in it? Are you happy?”

BoJack hears Todd scratch at his cheek absentmindedly, humming softly.

“I do, and I am. It took me a long time to finally be able to say it out loud, but once I did, I felt like I could finally live my truth, y’know? And I wouldn’t change it even if I could.”

“That’s... I’m really proud of you,” he says gently, smiling. He hears Todd huff out a breath, maybe relief. “I, uh, I think... I need help. To feel like that. About myself. To be proud.”

“Just in general, or?” Todd asks, and BoJack can hear the typical cheeky grin in his voice.

“W-Well yeah, but, I think I am... No, I-I know I am. I’m gay, Todd.”

“Oh wow, really? Mr. Womanizer is gay? Was not expecting that! I mean, the amount of—”

“Yeah alright, I get it.” BoJack takes a break from his stroll, moving to sit down beside a streetlamp before his legs give out from anxiety. “I know, it’s probably unbelievable.”

“Well, now that I think about it... you never did have a relationship with a girl for more than a few months.”

“That was—yeah, the main giveaway,” he grumbles. “As soon as I couldn’t force myself to think, “ _Hey, maybe this time it’ll be different!_ ” anymore, I just... cut them off. I couldn’t do it anymore. Jesus, I can’t believe I did that for fifty goddamn years.”

Todd stays silent, letting his friend ruminate a bit more. He chews on his bottom lip nervously, sighing heavy through his nose.

“I hurt a lot of women, Todd.”

“I can’t tell you otherwise,” he murmurs, and BoJack flinches.

“I know... Yeah, I know.” BoJack rests his back against the pole, letting his head fall and hit the cold steel. “I never thought _this_ was the reason why I could never keep a girlfriend to safe my life, though.”

“Hey man, these things happen sometimes. We grow up taught relentlessly that the only way to live is in a cis, straight relationship. It takes a lot of bravery and strength to break away from that, no matter how long it takes you.”

BoJack gapes. Is this really the same man who spent five years living on his couch?

“Th-Thanks, Todd,” is all he can force out, his grip on his phone tight enough to dent the plastic case.

“No problem, bro. Hey, we haven’t really seen each other in a while, but I really am proud of you,” the man says, and BoJack can already feel his throat tightening painfully. “You’ve come a long-ass way.”

“Thank you. Truly. That means a lot,” he croaks out, bashful and sheepish. “Do... Would you wanna maybe visit for a night?”

“A party for coming out? That sounds—”

“ _No_. Jesus, you and Mr. Peanutbutter share the same goddamn brain cell. I meant to get some takeout or something. Just chill for a little.”

“Oh. Yeah, that sounds like fun! How about next Saturday?”

“Works for me. Not like I’m busy with anything, anyway.”

“Cool, see you then!” Before BoJack can ask for a time, Todd hangs up.

“Classic,” he mumbles, shoving his phone back into his pocket.

Heaving a sigh, BoJack rests his head back against the streetlamp. He stares up at what little stars peak through the dazzling lights of Los Angeles, the last rays of the sun painting the sky orange. He feels a rush of crippling envy of the past; those last few minutes spent next to Diane, their eyes fixed to the galaxy above.

It was awkward; uncomfortable, even, gawking up at the infinite universe from their precarious seats on the roof. Not once did they make eye contact, not a word was spoken after BoJack offered her an uneasy statement of fact that now rings deafeningly in his ears.

“ _This is nice_.”

God, is he lonely.


End file.
